Mitigating
Trauma: Removal and Placement
Conversations about,
Visitation, and the Future
Family Visits Mitigate Trauma
Visits reduce the impact of trauma by allowing the child to know that their parent is okay, something terrible has not happened to them, they are not dead, and their parent still loves them. Removals are forced, children are not prepared to face the reality of separation and the loss of everything familiar to them, causing them to feel unwanted. Children can find comfort in spending time with their parents and siblings. This helps them deal with their fears of the unknown and feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness. Visits can inform social workers and foster parents on how well the child is coping and services that can address trauma and repair relationships. Visits can stabilize a child in a world of uncertainty.
Day of Removal: Children must know when they will see their parents. Contact information for the parent and foster parent should be shared at the removal. There are many safe ways for contact to happen on the evening of the removal (phone, social apps, and virtual).
First Visit: Ideally, a visit should be arranged for the day following removal and no later than 48 hours to address trauma. Visits should be supported by social workers, foster parents, and supervised access workers, and not by people who are strangers to the child. This is a critical time to address the effects of the traumatic separation; social workers need to prepare parents with ways they can help their child deal with the impact of the removal and the effects of the traumatic separation. Extra effort should be made to ensure the parent and child have a meaningful visit that will promote future visits, providing the child with comfort and hope.
Involve Siblings: Visitation can allow the child to spend time with their siblings if they are not placed together. A sibling relationship is the longest relationship a person can have. It should be respected and maintained so the relationship can grow.
Involve Extended Family: Extended family members are very important in a child's life. Families provide children with a sense of self, identity, belonging, safety, and security. Some family members do not require supervision; they can be key to stabilizing the child and should be encouraged to spend time with the child, even if parents disagree.
Regular Visitation Plan: Frequent and consistent visits in a natural setting, preferably the family home, help mitigate the trauma of removal, separation, and loss experienced by children and parents. A regular visitation plan should be implemented as soon as possible; this supports the child’s emotional well-being and adjustment to foster care. Children do better when they know they will see their parents and siblings. Visitation is crucial to mitigating the impact of trauma by providing opportunities for repairing and strengthening family relationships and connections. It supports the child's identity, birth history, and connections to their family and culture, even when permanency plans change. Visitation should be more than an opportunity for parents and children to see each other; it should also provide opportunities for parents to address past traumas, learn and strengthen parenting skills, enhance safety, reduce risks of future maltreatment, and support bonding and relationship security. Reunification is more successful when children have frequent and regular contact. Limited contact and long gaps between visits are traumatizing for children. Remember, a child's concept of time differs from an adult's. Visits can stabilize a child in a world of uncertainty.
Visitation Preparation: Social workers must ensure that parents, foster parents, and supervised access workers involved in visits are provided with a written schedule and each player is well informed of their role and responsibilities for the visit to succeed and be beneficial for reducing the impact of trauma. This means sharing contact and demographic information of all parties involved. An emergency plan is in place if something happens on a visit, if a visit has to end, or a parent does not show. Parents deserve support to have meaningful visits with their children; this means they are financially supported to ensure they have supplies including food and can engage in activities that strengthen connections and relational bonding.
Infant Visitation: Infants and young children feel the effects of separation and loss the most. However they lack understanding and the ability to cope with long periods of instability. Frequent visits need to be a priority for infants. An infant child's schedule must be considered when planning for visits. The visit provides opportunities for attachment bonding; therefore, it is beneficial if the child is awake for most of their visit. The visit should provide opportunities for attachment bonding. A journal placed in the child's diaper bag is a helpful way to exchange information about the child's developmental activities, including sleeping, feeding, and changing schedules. Toys, books, and music should be available to promote healthy interactions.
Planning Visits: When positive interactions occur between parents and children, it promotes healthy development in children and reduces the impacts of trauma. It also promotes the continuation of visits. Visits should occur outside the child's regular scheduled daily activities, day care and school hours, and not when children attend extracurricular activities. Children can be encouraged to make something to bring to their visit for their parent, (e.g. a card or a picture). Children and parents should engage in activities that promote bonding and relationship building. For example, drawing or painting pictures that they exchange and take as keepsakes. Older children can make friendship bracelets; they exchange and wear. Take photos during visits that both the parent and child can have. These pictures should be made available and tangible for the child to hold. Establish rituals for beginning and ending visits so the child knows they are returning to their foster home following their visit. When the child knows the plan, it is easier to separate. This is especially important for young children; it could be a hello and a goodbye song they sing together. When the child knows the plan, it is easier to separate and less traumatizing.
Transportation and Supervision: Children need to feel safe during transitions and should have consistent people for transportation and supervision of visits. Encountering unknown people is traumatizing for children and causes unnecessary anxiety. Foster parents, if available, are most appropriate to fulfill these roles. If foster parents are not available, people providing transportation/supervision should be familiar with the child or at least have had the opportunity to meet them before the visit time. The number of people introduced to children should be minimal. Foster parents need to be available to comfort children following visits to stabilize them as they will be emotionally dysregulated.
Questions children ask about visitation
All children will have questions about seeing their parents. Children need social workers to be honest about the details of visitation. Use supportive and encouraging language that corresponds to the child's development. For children who have not developed strong language skills, keep your language simple and use short, concrete sentences. Continuously check in with the child to make sure they understand what is being said. Be kind and gentle, provide reassurance to the child, and hope for the future. Never make promises you can not keep! Validate feelings, provide opportunities for the child to share their fears about visits, and make plans with parents and children to ease the child's fears. Reiterate that this situation is not the child's fault, they did not cause this, and they can not fix it.
Pre-School (3-5)
School Age (6-12)
Youth (13-16)
Q. When will I get to see Mommy and Daddy?
A. "Many people are working together to make sure you will be safe while getting to see your mommy and daddy."
Q. Will mommy and daddy be okay?
A. "Many people are helping mommy and daddy make safe choices."
Q. Do Mommy and Daddy still love me and miss me?
A. "Yes, your mommy and daddy still love you, and they miss you too. People are working with Mommy and Daddy to get help so they can learn new ways to keep you safe."
Q.Will I get to come back here after my visit, or will I get to stay home?
A. "You will come back to your foster home after your visit, and they will be waiting for you."
Q. When will I get to see Mommy and Daddy?
A. "There are many people working together to make sure you will be safe while getting to see your mommy and daddy. A supervised access worker will be at the visits to make sure you are safe."
Q. Where will I see Mommy and Daddy?
A. "Right now, you will see mommy and daddy at my work. When we know that mommy and daddy's house is safe, we can see if we can have visits at home, but not until we know it is safe."
Q. Will I get to see Mommy and Daddy at home?
A. "I am working with Mommy and Daddy to move visits to your home. They are learning ways to keep you safe. They will need to make some changes first."
Q. Who will be at my visits?
A. "Mommy, daddy, your sisters and brothers. There will be a supervised access worker as well, their job is to make sure you are safe while you visit. Is there anyone else you would like to see?"
Q. Do you have any questions about the visit? How are you feeling about visiting with your mom and dad?
Q. When will I get to see my parents?
A. "You have a right to see your parents and siblings, and they also have a right to see you. Many people are working with your parents to ensure you are safe when visiting them."
Q. Why can't I go myself, I don't need anyone to babysit me.
A. "You do not need a babysitter; you are way past that stage. I must know you are protected and safe when visiting Mom and Dad, and that's why someone is present so they can handle any tough decisions, and you don't have to. You have a right to be a part of the decisions that are being made about visits. Would you like to have a meeting to discuss things? We could bring your parents and foster parents together to talk about your wishes. I think that would help."
Q. When can I go home for visits?
A. "You can return home for visits when your home is safe. I know you can keep yourself safe. Do you want to make a plan to discuss this? Can you tell me your ideas about keeping safe while at home?"
Q. Why does there have to be other people present when I see my parents?
A. "There have been incidents happening in your home that were not safe for you to be around. You have a right to be protected and safe. We need to give Mom and Dad time to work on their problems so they can focus on you and what matters to you. It is hard for people to make changes all at once, we need to have patience. Adults make mistakes, too. Maybe there are other things we can do to make sure you are okay when visiting your parents."
Questions children ask about going home
All children will have questions about when they will be returning home. Their life is very unstable since they were removed from their parents. Remember to answer questions honestly. Never lie to a child. Never provide a definite timeline, because the determinants of this situation do not rely on the child; instead, focus on when their parents learn skills to keep them safe. Know the plan, are parents actively engaged in reunification? As children create a deeper understanding, more details can be shared, but first, ensure you understand where the child's level of understanding is. Know the child's trauma history so you can support their emotions.
Pre-School (3-5)
Q. When will I get to go home?
A. "That is a really good question. Big people who make sure children are safe are working on that. Sometimes mommies and daddies need help to make better choices. You will stay with your foster parents until it is safe for you to go home. Your job is to play and have fun. Your foster parents will take care of you and keep you safe. I know that you have feelings about that. Do you want to talk about your feelings? It is good when you have questions, because we feel better when we talk about things. Do you have any worries you want to talk about now?"
School Age (6-12)
Youth (13-18)
Q. Will I get to go home?
A. "That's an important question, and you need the answer. I know you want to go home. Many people are working with mommy and daddy so they can make better choices to protect you and keep you safe. This is not your responsibility. This can take some time, and we don't really know when it will happen. I know it's important for you to know, I will answer any of your questions, and I will let you know more when I know more. Do you have any worries? It makes us feel better when we talk about our feelings. Would you like to talk about yours?"
Q. When can I go home?
A. "I hear that you want answers and you deserve to know what is happening. Right now, a plan is being worked on with your parents. We need to make sure that you will be okay. You have a right to return home, and you also have a right to be protected and safe. We are working with your parents so they can make your home safe. Please continue to ask questions; I will be available to answer them. When I know more, I will make sure you know. You never created this situation, and that makes this harder for you because it is not something that you can fix. "