Mitigating
Trauma: Removal and Placement
Conversations about Reasons for Removal
The actual moment of family separation is a traumatic experience. Many children have already experienced trauma, maltreatment, and abuse. The removal may be compromised by additional stressors such as parents acting out of control and a police presence. Children will be scared, afraid, and possibly panicked. Please pay attention to what they tell you and how they behave. They need you to remain calm so you can help them regulate their emotions. You may need to repeat yourself several times to ensure children understand what you are saying about happens at the removal and what will happen next. You may have to talk to the child again in the days following the removal, continuing to check in on their understanding and to answer additional questions they may have. This information sharing must continue as a child progresses throughout their development.
Consider Ages & Developmental Stages when informing a child
Infancy (0-2)
Pre-School (3-5)
School Age (6-12)
Youth (13-16)
Children at this stage will not understand the reasons for their removal, but they will know when they are separated from their primary parent.
If a child is removed at birth they still have a familial history with their primary parent. Do not minimize this connection.
It is important to ensure connections are maintained so that a parent's bond can continue to develop, especially when reunification is the plan for the child.
When a child is removed at birth, it is important to share the child's history with the child, so they grow up knowing who their parents are and reasons why they were separated. If this information is withheld or they are surprised with it at a later date this can compromise their development, security and trust in adults.
It is essential that children are told the reasons why they are being removed. Children at this stage are developing their language and understanding, so check in with them to question their understanding. Listen to what a child tells you. Build on their level of understanding.
You will need to open the conversation with the child. Do not wait for the child to ask you or assume the child already knows. Do not assume a quiet child is okay. It is your job to ensure the child knows and understands what is happening and what will happen next.
"Sometimes Mommies and Daddies need help to learn ways to keep their children safe. Right now, you are not safe to stay with your mommy and daddy. This is a grown-up problem. This is not your fault. You did not do anything wrong to cause this."
Let them know what happens next, "You will move to live with another family, they will take care of you, and you will be safe. Do you have any questions?"
If you do not have the answer to a question, "I don't know the answer right now. The grown-ups are working to figure things out. I will let you know as soon as I know."
Children need opportunities to discuss this information in detail to gain an understanding over time and throughout stages of their development.
Name and validate feelings and offer suggestions of comfort. Provide suggestions for finding distraction and comfort. Ask if there is anything you can do to help.
These conversations are essential to reduce trauma and will depend on your ability and availability to intervene. Repeat information as often as required to ensure the child understands. So make time, be comfortable with the child's pain, and be prepared to answer tough questions. This will reduce a child's trauma. Although it may be difficult for you to experience, be comforted that you are doing the right things.
When children are provided with the reasons why they are being separated from their parents, it helps them understand why they have to leave their family. This results in a less traumatic experience.
Provide true, clear and complete information. "There are problems at home that are making it unsafe for you to stay there. I (we) have decided you are not safe to stay with your mom and dad."
Whatever the reasons, share them with the child (look for examples below and in other sections). Be sure to not overwhelm the child with too much information, ask the child about their understanding of the reasons. Fill in their blanks considering their development and understanding.
Respect the child-parent relationship. "Your parents require help so that they can learn ways to keep you safe. We are worried that what is happening at home could hurt you. It is our job to make sure you are okay. While mom and dad are getting help, you will stay with a family who will provide for all of your needs and keep you safe."
Ask questions, provide space for the child to ask questions. "Do you have any questions?" Continuously provide reassurance.
"Do you have any worries?" I am here to answer any questions.
"You did not cause this problem; it is not your fault, and it is not your job to fix the problem."
Let them know they will see their parents. "We will make arrangements for you to call and see your mom and dad."
Validate and name the child's feelings. It is okay to feel angry, sad, hurt and disappointed. Provide suggestions for finding distraction and comfort. Offer services to talk about their big feelings and emotions.
Be transparent, respectful, and honest. Youth have the right to know why decisions have been made about who will care for them and where they will live. Be real and acknowledge the power you hold in your position. They need to know how things work and why decisions are made. Youth have the right to participate in decisions that affect them. They have a right to be safe.
"There are serious concerns about your safety at home. This is not your fault, and it is not your problem to fix. I am not here to judge your parents' actions; my job is to ensure your safety. Besides providing for your needs, your parents are responsible for protecting you and keeping you safe. I am concerned for your safety."
Discuss the reasons for their removal. Acknowledge the issues they have been living with. "You have been dealing with many issues in your family and at home. You are dealing with many losses. Change can be difficult to face. I am here to help."
"I am here to answer your questions and talk things through. You have a right to be heard and participate in decisions that affect you."
Validate feelings and emotions, provide space for them to think about what is happening, and be there when they need to talk. You may have to repeat yourself several times for the youth to grasp everything.
Discuss their worries. "You have the right to feel emotions; please be careful not to act on your emotions; sometimes that can make matters worse. I would not want you to get hurt more than you already are. I am available to talk."
Provide services and assistance that can help.
Ask what you can do to help them feel safe.